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My mom said, “You cannot be married, because you can not have a baby.”
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Dear, Mom
I remember sitting next to you in the hospital in front of the doctor.
I remember all the sounds becoming muted when he told me I might have cancer.
I remember you asked the doctor if I could have a baby, or wether I couldn't.
I remember I tried to hold back my tears - but you were too calm.
I remember you told me,
I can’t be married because I can not have a baby.
Mom, I think you are wrong.
But mom, actually I also used to think like that.
But mom, now I do not agree anymore.
But mom, I will give birth somehow.
Just wait and see.
Your one and only daughter,
Garam
*
On the 11th February 2020, I had an operation.
A cesarean section of about 15cm, my uterus was cut in half like an apple. My mom said that I can’t be married, because I can’t have a baby. I know what it means to be unable to carry a child in a society where women are naturally expected to reproduce.
My voice is easily silenced, and my name is given without my permission. I constantly struggle with things that are taken away from and given back, but I always get frustrated in the end.
Nevertheless, I will speak and deter the repeated failures I have experienced. I will not end in tragedy. The alienated voice, the non-trivial language, and the life that can never be peaceful.
Photo by @joosungjae_
I remember sitting next to you in the hospital in front of the doctor.
I remember all the sounds becoming muted when he told me I might have cancer.
I remember you asked the doctor if I could have a baby, or wether I couldn't.
I remember I tried to hold back my tears - but you were too calm.
I remember you told me,
I can’t be married because I can not have a baby.
Mom, I think you are wrong.
But mom, actually I also used to think like that.
But mom, now I do not agree anymore.
But mom, I will give birth somehow.
Just wait and see.
Your one and only daughter,
Garam
*
On the 11th February 2020, I had an operation.
A cesarean section of about 15cm, my uterus was cut in half like an apple. My mom said that I can’t be married, because I can’t have a baby. I know what it means to be unable to carry a child in a society where women are naturally expected to reproduce.
My voice is easily silenced, and my name is given without my permission. I constantly struggle with things that are taken away from and given back, but I always get frustrated in the end.
Nevertheless, I will speak and deter the repeated failures I have experienced. I will not end in tragedy. The alienated voice, the non-trivial language, and the life that can never be peaceful.
Photo by @joosungjae_
